Slipping Away….

As she lay her staring at the ceiling lifeless like a cadaver, memories ran through her head and lived it again in her head!

She knew what love felt like and what loss was. She had been a sensible loving woman who only knew how to love, live and make this world a better place to live in. She had a golden heart he often said and he even loved for that. she remembered the way he used to stay up watching her sleep, the way she would cradle him in her loving embrace.

After he was gone, she didn’t sleep. it seemed as though a distant dream to sleep. she cried all night and worked everyday only to get more pain. Her life was at a stand still all she felt was pain. Friends and family often called around to check whether she was okay. she would get through the day all by herself as calm as she could be talking to people, working, eating, travelling to and fro work but she didn’t feel like herself; she would brave the ghosts of the night all by herself only to find herself wrapped around some piece of furniture as the sun rose. this happened day in and day out. She felt tired of keeping up with the”I am okay and calm” phase. She wanted to release what she has bottled up for all these days. Her best friend Maya called several time and their one minute calls would end up in a conversation lasting hours but  Maya was happy to be there for her. coping up with her husbands death had taken a toll on Aaditi and Maya could clearly see that everybody could. Somehow losing Vikram has distanced Aaditi from herself.

She was afraid he would be watching her depressed feel miserable and sad that gave her the courage to smile but on her inside she was scattered to winds. She hated coming back to an empty home, driving herself to work, working out all by herself and living alone, was tough after sharing life with Vikram. She felt an emptiness in her life and everytime his favourite song played on her car stereo, she got nostalgic about college days, cutting chai n pakoras, bike rides, sunsets, prom nights picnics. Something from her gut flew to her throat caught hold of it and gave her tears.

Everyday was a new battle she survived trying to figure why god had been cruel to take her husband away. Aaditi was lost. She smiled at the engagement she still wore this made her feel closer to him, every moment she was home, she wore his sweater. it made his touch his smell and his feel come alive. she never intended to wash it but now he was fading away and she was afraid that he was slipping away. She was afraid that one day she wouldn’t remember him, she wouldn’t remember his face, the way he looked. She had photographs but would they last long enough or he would just slip away? 

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