Losing it!

This blog post started weaving a cocoon around itself long ago when I was interning, last year. I still think of the times, when I was slender and then I look at myself eating like an elephant, nothing had really changed. I usually asked myself whether aesthetics and weight have something to do in common and I never agreed that being slender (read: skinny) was healthy or even attractive. For reasons even I fail to understand, I have always been against the restrictive conventional norms of beauty.

I mean, beauty to me, when it came to shapes, forms and humans, has always meant either perfect symmetry or an ability to express; it has never had to do with size. I’ve found people beautiful despite the barriers of colours and sizes. I don’t want to intellectualise it and proceed with the dynamics of interpretation of beauty through times in context with size and colors.

Best of both worlds

As a culinary dilettante and someone who tries to have the best of both worlds, it hurt me when I tried to out on an old pair of jeans from my college days about a year ago.  It is true that consumption in every successive generation is increases progressively. In simple terms it means that, I’ve consumed more goods than perhaps my parents have at the same age group. This is unavoidable but how much is exactly too much?  As a liberal, I would really leave this choice to people so as to draw their own line but then at the same time, how many of us suck our stomachs in or perhaps wish we were a little taller, fairer, skinnier, chubbier or even tanner, when we see someone with a perfect body or perhaps a body better than ours? How is beauty related to vanity?

A couple of years ago, I had severe malaria that almost killed me. I was happy to survive but I’d lost a tonne of weight and I ended up looking like a skeleton. During these ‘no junk food sabbatical’ I was ‘caught’ eating a wada pav and put under house arrest for a week.  I’ve always loved food, from my earlier blog posts that’s certainly evident and I am usually getting to a point where food still means a lot to me but I pay attention to the need of my body.

Just after the house arrest was over   HOPPI

I know I sound hilariously old when someone as young as 22 talks about maintaining a body. What got me to it is the extra kilos I had put on shortly after joining work. What made it worse was the amount of clothes that refused to accomodate me and lay obsolete in my closet. That very day while looking at my old photos on my laptop, I came across an article I’d written about adjusting to the work space and avoid putting on those extra kilos didn’t make it any better either. I have constantly and perpetually been trying to walk a fine line and have the best of both worlds but it’s getting increasingly difficult by the day.

Inspiration and  motivation.

While researching I came across a study that says stress is a major cause a stock why people are obese. For the past few months, jumping from interventions, getting my post graduation degree and passing out with distinction, my grandma’s illness and other issues had their toll on me. Stress was perhaps at an all time high, i remebered falling asleep on shoots as soon as the shots were done. Better late than never, I said when I started walking for 20 minutes everyday and then hit the gym. Though it may seem a Herculean task, sometimes you just gotta do it.

I’ve been seeing this old man work out in the same gym as I do and that, inspired me. Though he works out only using very light weights and nothing too hardcore, even at this age he refuses to give up on fitness. It’s amazing how you can be inspired by the simplest of things. I was glad I did because after malaria the only idea of exercise was wearing looser clothes. It took a few years and a colossal amount of food to break that belief.

Do you want a partner?
Yes! I mean in the context of working out its better that you have a partner. After working for almost 12 hours all you want to do is plonk yourself on the sofa with plate full of dinner watching tv and fall asleep just after dinner. There have been days when I was I’ve come back late from work and done just that and wondered how on earth will I manage a workout.
Had it not been because of my childhood friend Shalaka who wakes me up every morning, I’d be over weight. We work out together and it’s been good. I hope I don’t jinx it when I say that I’ve lost a bit of weight already. I’m not saying this because I think weights are necessary but proportions and health is.

Better to be worn out than to be rusted
Workouts aren’t easy and when you’re training with weights it’ll hurt initially but trust me it’s worth it. Perhaps it sounds way too early to say so but my arms started hurting after taking on weights. Whilst I ached I realised that I was falling for the soreness, the pain this work out gave me. I may sound weird, border line psychopath but I love this pain and I am not the only one.

Before I eventually admit to my love hate relationship with this pain, my mind catapulted to something I’d read as a child, “better worn out, than be rusted” and this perhaps like an encounter at point blank range. Crazy, stupid and perhaps messed up but I love it!

 but then it’s worn out after all

Like I said before, stress was at an all time high and after I started working there was a marginal increase.  For about 6 months, in succession, I had cold and sinus attacks. Balancing that with work, I could barely manage that but then after I’ve started feeling the effects of working out. I have

better immunity and I am happier and more energetic through the day.

In my previous blog post, Confession of a foodie; I’d spoken about our bodies being the only thing we can feel alive in and comparing it a the dream car (read: Audi R8) and the lengths we’d go to maintain her. I guess I’ve started practising what I preach. I really don’t know what lies ahead and I don’t know how long will I be able to work out and maintain myself. If I am allowed to get a little philosophical, the uncertainty of life is breath-taking; which is why I really love it and whether or not I can keep it up is another story. If not a proper work out, I’ll dance or run or find a way for being healthy.

When I started this monologue, I spoke about weight, symmetry and proportion. I started working out because I felt I was starting to rust even before being worn out.


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