I’d heard if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Yeah it’s too heavy to digest at the beginning of a post but I am really really upset about what’s been happening over the past few days.
5th of June I fainted and I’ve been ill since. Though after taking rest I resumed my normal life and I thought nothing had really changed. While I am all up for the uncertainties in life, I am cranky about them as well. I think just like in a financial account debit and credit both have to balance, the good and bad both have to balance as well (blame it on my chartered accountancy studies before becoming a writer). I guess everything goes a full circle.
So, after almost puking my guts out, fainting and dragging myself to being normal through a chaotic and equally draining week, I fell dizzy again today. This time my mom wouldn’t sit quiet even though I was as stubborn as a mule (and now I know where I get that from). She literally dragged me to my family doctor. I’ve always been the kind to avoid doctors until I’ve almost reached an ICU that’s happened before. That didn’t help my case and it became all the more a reason why my mum panicked and brought the fateful day on to me.
So, I visited the doctor (yes, I like to put it that way) and now he’s robbed me off my joy of eating.
I’ve been ill and I may continue to be for a week or so. The thought of which makes me think about the times when I was ‘caught’ eating road side junk food only days after I’d come back from the ICU. I was put under house arrest. The irony of being 22 (and not 18 like earlier) is that I don’t even have that window because I’m just too busy.
I’ve to admit it, I did enjoy my barely spice month of May. I tried avoiding spices as much as I could and liked the way my body responded to that.
Food has always been something I’ve always been connected with ever since I was a child. I was always addicted to food of all sorts and apart from food, nothing really made me feel so passionate. Does it even make sense if I say that I live to eat? Specially now that I am not allowed to eat more than half of the things I’d eat?
After a few analytical (and border line critical) looks into the mirror, pep talks and a huge chain of thoughts later; I realized that this may be an opportunity to practice what I preach. I think that my body being the only place I exist in, I didn’t need to go great lengths to maintain it earlier but now that there was stress in the air, I have an opportunity to walk the talk at a level above the one I’m accustomed to.
Yes, I still give in to cravings, eat like an elephant also all the junk food which may make people cringe but now I guess it’s time to change for the better. I agree this illness was never a part of the plan but no plan is 100% foolproof.
Perhaps it’s an opportunity in disguise. Yes I am trying to find the silver lining and trying to cling on to it but I’m sure I’ll find joy and manage to write something from my ‘oh so healthy’ (perhaps another getting caught in the act 😉 sabbatical.
Yes I will write and hope I do justice to what you guys expect from me. I hope to see you soon in another letter. May be you can be a part of this journey to a new learning. Now this uncertainty looks promising if not disappointing.
Lots of love
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